Tech Tips: Playing Music Automatically in Email
LOLzButt93: My question is about playing music automatically in an email? Is there any way to do it?
LOLzButt93: I know, it's a terrible idea. This is for a client. Please tell me no.
MCRR: This is easy, and surprisingly low tech. First you take a dump into a paper bag. It has to be paper. Then you set it on fire, wait until it's burning pretty good, and then smash your customer's face directly into it, repeatedly. For as long as the bag stays lit, everyone in the world (except your customer, see note) will hear the exact sound the customer wants played. What's great is that email is not even required for this to work.
MCRR: Note that it is in fact physically possible for the customer to hear the sound during the process, and biometric/brain imaging tests have confirmed that the sound is received in the customers brain. However, we run up against the effective limits of the brain's multitasking, and the sound data is crowded out by the wealth of other rich sensory data being processed at a high rate by the customer.
LOLzButt93: OK, so i use flash for this?
MCRR: No, use Excel.
LOLzButt93: OK. Howe do i get to that from frontpage??
LOLzButt93: really not getting the help i need here guys.
MCRR: OK. Here are the instructions for your customer for how to use FrontPage to create and send this email:
MCRR: Open up FrontPage. Take out an Adobe AfterEffects install DVD but DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR COMPUTER. Hold the Adobe DVD to your forehead while you jump out the window. The email will go out using FrontPage's "Mail Merge" feature, formatted exactly as you described it in the RFP, just before you reach the ground.
LOLzButt93: cool thanks. trying this now. FINGERS CROSSED!!!!
Ol' Dirty Woman: TURBOGRAFX16
Question:
How long can you ride the Dalai Lama llama?
Answers:
35%: That’s disrespectful. Riding a llama is like saying a dog has an owner.
14%: What?
105%: I can ride that shit all day.
1%: Tyler Perry.
The infographic is an ellipse or something to indicate the greater than 100% nature of our question. It’s there, you just can’t see it.
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Important:
DUE TO A SCHEDULING CONFLICT “SALMAN RUSHDIE TEQUILA SHOOTER SATURDAYS HAS BEEN INDEFINITELY POSTPONED.”
Please update your course materials and class-related web sites to reflect this change.
—Sir Robert Motherfucker
Horoscope: May
Pisces (Feb 29 - April 16): Today’s safe word is “sever”.
Scorpio: Suck a dick, Scorpio.
Aquinas: You fat.
Turbo-Cancer: I LOVE PUPPIES WATCHING ME FROM A BASKET. I LOVE THEM BECAUSE OF THE BUSINESS MODEL GENERATED LOOSELY AROUND THIS CONCEPT. MICROSCOPES? YEP. AND I LIKE YOU. I LIKE THIS. THIS WHOLE VIBE WE GOT. RIDE IT. RIDE THE WAVE. GLAD WE HAD THIS LITTLE CHAT.
Ravioli: Good news. IT’S ASS-LICKING SEASON.
—Sir Robert Motherfucker
